Finding Out

Finding out I was pregnant was one of the most crazy and surreal moments of my life. It was a year ago today that I took the test (two actually, almost took the third) and found out that baby Olivia was growing inside me...I had not the slightest clue!!

It was a Saturday; weather was nice, so I headed out the barn in the morning. I didn't feel like riding, so I took the girls out for a walk off of the property. There wasn't anything terribly unusual about the day except I just kept feeling 'weird'...restless, I guess, is a better word for it.

I didn't feel like being at the barn anymore...which, if anyone knows me, that's a very rare feeling :)  Something just wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

I do remember during the week I felt restless and I never knew what I wanted to eat. I figured I was just getting adjusted to my new job/schedule. I, obviously, hadn't started my period yet but that wasn't totally rare for me to not be exactly on time every month.

Let me back up a bit. Roger and I had started to talk more seriously about having a family. We had been going to the chiropractor and learning a lot of about diet/nutrition and exercise. I knew that when I finally did get pregnant, I wanted to be in the best 'shape' I could be. Looking back now, this was one of the breadcrumbs that God had given us in preparation for being pregnant. We sat down with our chiropractor back in Dec/January just to see what I needed to start doing or getting prepared for, so when we did get preggo, I was ready to go. We were 'planning' on starting to conceive in the Fall of that year (2012).

So, here I am....haven't started my period yet, feeling very restless and just....weird. I had the thought on Thurs/Fri of that week to go get a pregnancy test. But I thought 'no, this has happened before, it's no different.' :) 

So, back to that day. I put the girls away and rushed home. When I got there, Roger was asleep; we were planning on going to a BBQ and then head to church. I always knew that if I thought I was pregnant, I wasn't going to take the test with Roger...I wanted to surprise him! So, without him knowing, I ran off to the store to go get me a test. Man, how many different options are there! Sheesh :)

He called me on my way home and was very confused about where I was. I told him I just ran out to the store, I had to get something (kinda odd for me to be doing, figured he would have thought something was up, but not so much). I told him I was going to get in the shower so we could get to the BBQ.

I'll never forget....I took the test, set it on the counter, turned and got the water running and by the time I looked back around (about 20 seconds), the test showed positive. My reaction? "You've gotta be kidding me"...with a huge smile on my face! It was soooo crazy!! So my next thought was "Okay, I'm going to see Elisha at the BBQ, I'll ask her. There are false positives, right?"

We get to the BBQ and I search out Elisha (she had just had her baby about 9 months earlier). I told her I needed to talk to her and gave her a 'look.' She knew right away :) Needless to say, she didn't buy my false positive 'hope' and told me that I was for sure pregnant. I thought she would tell me to go home and take another test tomorrow!! Boy was I way off! So, I guess, it was really at that moment that I realized I really was pregnant! Now, I had to figure out how to tell Roger (and keep Elisha's mouth shut too since we were all hanging out!!). We were trying to think of ways I could tell him, without him knowing what we were talking about! It was interesting, and fun, to say the least.

So we left the BBQ and headed to church....one of the longest services ever!! All I could think about was how I was going to surprise him. I thought about waiting until the next day and taking him to dinner...but I was getting too excited and wanted to tell him right away!

We went to Target after church and I told Roger I wanted to look at clothes..blah blah so that forced him to go off on his own. He was in a weird mood too...it seemed like he was in a bad mood, which is not at all normal for him. So as he was walking around, I ran over to the baby section to see if I could find a 'daddy' bib or something....I couldn't find anything! So I started freaking out a little bit. But then I decided I would just buy some newborn onesies, so that's what I did. I ran up to the front and paid and then met him back where he was trying on clothes. It probably looked like I was trying to steal something because I kept looking over my shoulder to see if he was coming! :)

We went home and it was about 9:30 at that point. I went and took another test (yes, I had to make sure....even thought about taking the third!! Buy 2 get 1 free). So, when that one came back positive, I figured I should tell him finally.

I set out the onesies on the bed (they were soooo tiny!!) and then put my tests on one of them. I told him he needed to come here, I wanted to show him something (once again, he was in a 'bad' mood...probably wondering what the heck I wanted now). He walked in and saw the onesies lying on the bed and his exact words were "what is this?" and I said "it's for you." The wheels were turning and then it finally clicked! He was in a much better mood after that :)

We called my brother in Arizona...figured he was the only one we could tell over the phone since I didn't know when I was going to see him next. He was helping us think of ideas to tell everybody. That was my favorite part, figuring out creative ways to tell everybody. Especially since everyone knew my 'feelings' about having kids at that point...no one was expecting it!!

We were going to wait and tell his parents until later in the week, but we just more and more excited about it. So we ran to the store the next day and got a bib, a onesie, some pink and blue ribbon and some fabric paint. We decorated the onesie to say "Surprise" and we then used our cat, Mitz, as the decoy. We put the onesie on him, a bib around his neck and tied ribbon in his tail. We lured him with treats into the kitchen...we told his parents that we taught him a new trick. It took them a few minutes, but his mom got it...as she slowly read 'sur-pri-se' and then freaked out when she put it together! It was awesome. And we got it on video.

We went down to Westminster and told my Dad and Roberta that next week. And then went up to Nebraska to tell my mom on Mother's Day weekend. It was really hard to not tell everybody...the people we did tell had to keep it hush hush until my mom knew...the last thing I wanted was my mom to find out via Facebook! We decorated my horses and took pics to show her. Got that one on video too :)

It's just crazy how a year ago today our lives changed...forever! And to realize how much God was involved and how He had His hand on the situation the whole time....still leaves me speechless. We were not trying to get pregnant...its still amazing to us.

My pregnancy was everything I wanted. I was healthy and had all of the support that I needed/wanted, with my chiropractor and midwife. I worked full time for the first 6 months, then worked part-time the last trimester. Once again, ridiculous perfect timing. God is so good.

9 weeks

I wanted to journal about how life is right now, with Olivia being 9 weeks. My mom is currently spending the weekend with us so we are going through all of Cheyna's old clothes and separating/organizing...good times!

Olivia has been sleeping in her bassinet for just over 3 weeks now, and doing great! We are very glad that we spent the first six weeks co-sleeping with her; we think it really helped her knowing that we were right there all the time and that her needs were going to be met quickly. She sleeps in her bassinet during naps also, if we are home (I used to just lay her wherever she fell asleep, or have her fall asleep on me, which I still do sometimes if she's having a hard time).

I use my Moby wrap still, mainly when I'm at the office for nursing. Seems she's at a point where she doesn't like facing in on my chest when she's awake, she would rather face outward; we'll see if I can tie her that way somehow :)

It seems that we are starting to get into some sort of a sleep routine. In the mornings we wake up between 7:30 and 8. Get fed (one side), changed and dressed. Then she sits in the bouncer or swing while I feed the cats, make breakfast, put dinner in the crockpot etc. Sometimes I take her in the bathroom with me so I can shower. Then we eat again, change diaper and she usually falls asleep about 2 hours after she wakes up (around 9:30-10). This depends on the day, sometimes it's an hour after we wake up, just depends. Either way, she takes a nap in the morning. How long of a nap also depends. Sometimes it's an hour, sometimes its 3 hours. She will then take another nap in the afternoon. This one is usually a bit longer than the morning one, 2-3hrs. She wakes up between 4and 5pm, we eat dinner, feed several times and she is in bed by 8:30 or 9. Wakes up between 3:30-5am, eat (one side), get changed and goes right back to sleep. Of course there are days where she will literally sleep all morning and all afternoon, wake up in the evening and then still be in bed at the usual time and sleep fine throughout the night.

I am working about 10hrs/week at this point, some from home and some from the office. If I go to the office, I'll go whether she's awake or asleep and just feed/change her there and do as much work as I can while she's awake. Or I'll just take extra time and wait for her to fall asleep. She's pretty good about staying asleep there so I can usually get 3-4hrs of good work in.

Going to the barn is a lot easier now than before. I'll go after work if she's still sleeping and just do as much as I can until she starts to wake up, then head home. Or I'll head out there when I know she's sleepy so she'll fall asleep on the way. I have gotten rid of my direct-line thinking in this area...thinking I have to get to the barn just for 30 minutes to fill nets or whatever, and then get annoyed/frustrated when she wakes up and it takes me longer. I'll take her out and walk around with her, or just take her out in the carseat (if it's not too cold obviously) and just fill as many nets as I need for the next day, say hello to the girls and head home. It's obviously easier when someone goes with me, but I am doing pretty good at being out there by myself.

She still isn't taking a bottle...we have only tried maybe half a dozen times, so I'm not terribly worried at this point. I may just have to leave for a few hours and let Roger figure out how to feed her :)  She isn't taking a pacifier yet either, just sucking on her hands!

I am washing diapers about every 2-3 days. Washing doesn't take long, even with the extra rinse. Drying takes about 90 minutes, with dry 3 towels to help absorb moisture. Shells don't take long to hang dry.

At this point, I definitely feel that I can 'live my life', but I can't be a direct-line thinker; meaning, I can make plans, but I still need to go with the flow and not be upset if my plans change because she is fussy or we need to get home earlier or whatever. We are definitely learning to be home by 8 at the latest so we can get her in bed by 8:30 or 9. Staying out until 9 doesn't work very well :)

She loves to lay on her mat and look at all the toys. She has started to hit them with her hands. She can hold the rattle in her hand also. We do tummy time as much as possible, but she gets fussy about it after a few minutes. She doesn't like her swing quite as much as she did a few weeks ago, she likes her bouncer better; not sure if that's because the swing doesn't have anything hanging to look at/play with..? She is starting to 'talk', especially to daddy! It's awesome to hear all the sounds she is making :)

We went for our first walk in the jogging stroller and she loved it! I can't wait to do that more over the summer and as she gets bigger :)

All in all she is a great baby. She adapts to any situation, will let anyone hold her and smiles at any passerby who says hello :) She was weighed at our last midwife appt, which was at 7 weeks and she weighed 12lbs. She measures about 23.5".

The First Few Weeks

I wanted to journal about the first few weeks of Olivia's life so a) I could remember what actually happened and b) because I haven't journaled (or anything like it) in a really long time and think it's a great way to learn new things and gain a new perspective.

First off, this whole experience thus far has been a complete blessing from God. I take none of the credit for anything that has happened- having Olivia was apparently a part of our greater plan as the pregnancy was completely unexpected (and not tried for either *wink wink*) and the changes that He made in me during this time, and continue to make, are incredible; like I said, I take none of the credit.

Everybody still thinks its weird that I am a mommy, and I really don't blame them! I never really pictured myself as a mom; I knew it would happen one day, but it wasn't my ultimate life dream, if that makes sense. And so, all of these worries and anxieties and fears that I had about being pregnant and being a mom, God has totally taken away. And He's replaced it with love, patience, honor, love, and more love! It's incredible.

Okay, so onto how my life changed after Olivia was born:

Nobody really prepared me for what having a newborn was going to really be like, so I was totally clueless. Come to find out, they eat....a LOT! I never had any issues with breastfeeding, Olivia latched on perfectly the first time I offered it to her (thank God), so I didn't have to 'deal' with any of that. However, I  slowly came to realize that I was, literally, a human pacifier...another thing I was totally unaware of.

The first day was pretty easy, simply because she slept most of the day. She would cry to eat, so I would feed her and then she'd fall back asleep. I was thinking "man, this is easy!"

A few days later, however, I realized what it was really going to be like. During the day she would eat probably every hour or so when she was awake, and every 2-3 hours when she was sleeping. At night she would be up every 2-3 hours. I think there was only one or two times that she was up after an hour or so after I fed her. I made it hard on myself for the first week, by physically getting out of bed and sitting in the rocking chair to feed her. Then I would put her on the changing table, change her diaper, feed her on the other side and then lay her back down once I had thought that she fell back asleep (her eyes were closed, doesn't that mean she was asleep?!). So after I laid her down and got myself all nice and cozy in the bed again, she would start crying. Then I would have to get back up...you get the idea.

So, after the first week I got 'smart' and did a lot of research and she started co-sleeping with us. Before she was in a bassinet right next to the bed. And keep in mind, she shares a room with us, so I wasn't going to a whole separate room just to get her. Once she started sleeping with us, I noticed that she was sleeping a lot better. Of course, it was trying on us...having to sleep in the same position all night so we didn't squish her and not being able to sleep next to the hubby was hard too. But looking back, it was all worth it.

So once she started co-sleeping with us, I would sit up on the bed to nurse her. I had a Boppy pillow that I would put behind me to offer more support. So I would do the same thing as before, except I wouldn't get out of bed. This worked a little better...however, she would still wake up sometimes when I set her down after feeding.

So, what I ended up doing, which worked great, is just nurse her lying down. I would make sure that her head was elevated above her chest (to help prevent ear infections) and we would lay together while she nursed. Then if I needed to change her, I kept everything by the bed and I would just change her in the bed, nurse the other side if I needed to and then we would both drift off. Perfect! She was sleeping 3-4 hours during the night within a few weeks.

During the day was almost more difficult and it seemed like she wanted to eat constantly as long as she was awake. I didn't mind, as I had told myself I wasn't going to put her on any type of schedule, I just didn't know if that was normal or not. The evenings were the roughest...there were many nights that I would literally just sit on the couch or the  bed or the rocking chair just switching her back and forth sides...since she would nurse one side, then 5 minutes later start crying again. Then she would eventually fall asleep.

It was hard for me when Roger went back to teaching (he was off for 3 weeks) because if I wanted to cook, I usually had to put her down. Well, she didn't like that. But then if I had her in the wrap and she wanted to eat, I would have to take her out, manuver my shirt and the wrap so she could nurse...it was a big pain. I did figure out how to nurse with the moby wrap on, so that was helpful...but I would pretty much just stop what I was doing to make her content, and then go back to what I was doing (which was usually cooking). This was frustrating at first because I was just trying to figure her out, she had no idea what was going on....we were both new to it and just working our way through it!

Going out to the barn was not easy at all. Traveling wasn't easy at first. Our first trip out was a week after she was born to go see Dr Ryan to get adjusted. I was so nervous! I sat in the back with her, afraid that if she started screaming her head off we would have to pull over so I could nurse. She actually did great the first trip, she slept the whole time. But getting to the barn, where I would have to get out and leave her for a little while, was really difficult. I would think she was sleeping and then she wasn't...and of course the only way to get her to calm down was to nurse her. So, I spent a lot of time in the backseat nursing her and making sure she was okay. This was frustrating for me, just because I wanted to get to the barn, get chores done and get home....not that simple! Even with people helping me it was not a fun trip....just because I didn't want her to be unhappy the whole time.

I know that I tried everything those first few weeks...putting her on the  bouncer, letting her sleep on the couch, wearing her in my wrap, putting her in the bassinet etc. I soon came to realize that I literally just had to let everything go, and go with the flow. Go with what she was telling me was going to work (sounds a lot like my horse training....hmmm...that will be different post).

She hated her first bath...but I know that's because she was cold when we took her out. We tried it in the kitchen sink with a space heater blowing her direction, but she was still too cold because it was such an open area. So we started giving her baths in the stand-up shower; we heat the bathroom nice and warm and keep her in there....she likes it much better now!

I am over my fear of traveling with her now. I was always worried about having to stop every 10 minutes to feed her...or wondering if she would just start crying and I couldn't calm her down. Now, I just say to myself "I'm going out...and if I need to nurse her I'll go here...or I'll take some extra time here..." With that attitude, I haven't had any problems traveling with her, especially to the barn.

She is almost 8 weeks old now and I would say is pretty much sleeping through the night (5-7 hours). Sometimes she has to fall asleep on me, and others (like tonight) she just falls asleep by herself. We moved her into the bassinet about two weeks ago and she is doing great. I put her in the bed to nurse lying down and once she's done I just move her back into the bassinet and she either stays asleep or falls back asleep.

Using cloth diapers hasn't really been a big deal. We used disposables for the first 10-14 days. She was big enough by then to fit in the cloth. The biggest thing was prepping the diapers and making sure we had the correct detergent. I do laundry every other day, mainly because I don't want bacteria sitting on the diapers much longer than that. I could probably go 3 days if I had to before washing. I have only had to change her cloths a few times because it went through the diaper....all in all I am pretty impressed with them actually.

She is adapting so well to anything we do with her, it's just amazing. I know I just have to keep the attitude of "it will all work out" and not be such a direct-line thinker! That really helps. Having her on any type of schedule seems crazy to me at this point. The only thing we have scheduled is bedtime, and she gets that.

So, we'll see what happens in the next few months!